I have had one of those weeks where you sort of look and feel like you were hit by a bus, then dragged through hell only to be launched back into your normal day to day life and land in a pile of dog crap. I have placed myself in timeout. I showed up to work today with my hair in a ponytail and a coworker was concerned that something happened to me. Again, hit by bus, dragged through hell, & landed in a turd pile are on the highlights reel. I'll save those for another post entitled "Are you trying to get punched in the throat?" With everything going on I only worked out twice because I missed every single pilates class at the gym due to getting stuck in parking garages (street level construction) each day this week and last minute meeting requests darkened my outlook (literally and figuratively). But I'm feeling great 10 days into KETO. My stomach doesn't hurt, I don't feel bloated, someone said I was glowing and looked amazing today (despite my ponytail), and I'm losing weight. That said, for the last 24 hours - all I can think about and all I want is something absolutely LOADED with carbs. This was a super stressful week - I think in my mind french fries or (and) a croissant would decrease my stress. I'm sure it would, like a little hug of support for my tummy. I found myself standing in front of my pantry staring at a plate of chocolate croissants with more longing in my eyes than I have ever had for anything or anyone ... ever. I can only imagine this is what Oliver Twist would feel like looking at an endless supply of porridge - mouth open & wide eyed I think I blacked out at some point because I'm not even sure how long I stood there but I'm happy to report I didn't eat one. I did however eat a small plate of olives. As yummy as they were it was a shitty substitute for a chocolate croissant. I was actually so put out by it all I ended up just escaping to my room where I cleaned my bathroom and settled into creating next week's menu! A good friend of mine is doing KETO as well. She has lost a lot of weight and continues to do so faster than I am losing mine. She suggested I look into Exogenous Ketones. I bought a starter bundle from PerfectKeto.com containing:
I actually have no idea what I bought entirely but I saw "Chocolate" and stopped reading. I don't even care at this point. I religiously use MCT Oil in my coffee & when making fat bombs. I just love it. I'll get a powder version of that in my starter kit. I'm most excited about that. Re: the ketone strips, I have been testing my blood a few times a week (in the am / evening) just to see where I have been hovering range wise. I'm staying in an optimal zone it seems, so all signs are pointing to me being on the right track. I do wonder why my progress is soooooo slow. I am armed with oodles of books and am reading through them and will try to adjust next week's menu. I don't think I'm eating too many calories - I'm monitoring my macros and watching my caloric intake so I think once my metabolism resets I should start to see fairly significant results. Fingers Crossed. But here's the thing - I feel better ... even though weight isn't melting off of me, I feel a rather remarkable improvement. I'm fairly blown away by that. That's my update! A bit more reading and a bit more blogging and I'm calling this day / week over. Oodles of sleep and my pilates classes tomorrow should reset my morale. I'm looking forward to seeing how I progress next week while hopefully keeping my stress levels a bit lower. There's just so much going on in my life / around me that it's hard to not become distracted or derailed. I just think with how great I'm feeling it's not really a diet or something to suffer through - it's just a new approach to how I live my life.
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This little chart now rules my life ... The Keto Food Pyramid otherwise known as "I think I may starve to death and hate my life" chart. I actually think I love it but I'm still in my first week and am just getting over the "KETO Flu". While adapting rather well I still have an incredibly strong urge to drop kick Finn's bagels through a window so it may not the best time for me to kick off this post. But buckle up - because it's happening!! Why KETO? Especially since I have been an off and on vegetarian for most of my life. The primary components of KETO are Meat, Eggs, Nuts, Seeds & Healthy Fats. When I say I was a vegetarian, I became one around 12 - I wasn't just a chill vegetarian, early on, I was a super snarky / confrontational / & way judgmental vegetarian. In High School I was fueled by two things: Hunger and Morrissey rage. Anyone that was unlucky enough to cross my path, minding their own business, nom nomming a burger - I'd just like to apologize for my behavior. I actually slapped a burger out of someone's hand once. Which now thinking back, the visual is heeelarious. Best Ever!! That said, to that person, I'm especially sorry. While I ate incredibly well, I never quite felt great and I never looked entirely great either (super pale, often anemic) but I kept trying and trying. Each failure or departure from a plant based diet came with a tremendous amount of guilt. My issue is and was against factory farming and what most animal endure as they navigate a miserable life met with unspeakable horror, suffering and cruelty. I will never stop being a very vocal opponent against animal cruelty. I do however support local farmers and locally sourced meat and dairy. It's expensive in comparison but it's worth it to me and that's how the transition to KETO is possible for ME. So, why KETO? It's hard for me to drop weight like I could in my 20's and 30's ... I watch every single calorie that crosses my lips. I count points, calories, weigh my food, deprive myself, beat myself up if I eat something I'm not supposed to and I'm still not where I'd like to be. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe the calories are the wrong calories for me, maybe I wasn't eating enough, etc. My "maybes" could go on forever ... When my dad got sick, I started to gain weight. I had an insanely stressful job, I lived 2000 miles from home, and things weren't great in my own life. For 2 years I was splitting my time between a job that I hated and my father's home in Chesapeake Va where I watched Cancer bring a titan to his knees. My stress levels remained at a constant 10 / 10 for an incredibly extended period of time which I can only imagine was creating a virtual endless supply of cortisol. KETO is my path forward. More precisely, it's my path BACK to me. The more I learn about it, the more it makes sense to me: low carb, moderate proteins, high fat. If you're not familiar with KETO you may think High Fat - that's the exact opposite of what we should do and it's not. Our brains NEED Fat. Our brains thrive with the proper amount of fat. It's a critical component that we so often drastically cut back when trying to lose weight. If I were to sum up the approach: consume fat to burn fat. I'm not talking about eating a stick of butter in preparation of bikini season - think more along the lines of eating steak with an smashed avocado, cooking your eggs in coconut oil, dressing your salad liberally with walnut oil - throw in some goat cheese, etc. My breakfast today was two eggs cooked in coconut oil, and 2 slices of Morning Star "Bacon" otherwise known as "Faken" around here because it's fake bacon but it's super low in carb so it's perfect. It's all comes down to your "macros" or macronutrients. My macros are as shown below: This is my meal composition - With a higher fat diet, I'm satiated with small meals of really healthy food & the steady introduction / combination of healthy fats. I don't pay strict attention to the k/cal - I leverage Myfitnesspal Pro which allows me to enter my personal macro ranges and as long as I stick to the 90/102/17 combination - I'm good. Lately that's been running about 1500 k/cal a day. I happen to know my resting metabolic rate is 2000 k/cals a day so this places me in a healthy deficit. I have lost 7 lbs this week - maybe a good bit of that is water weight but I drink about 80oz of water a day so I'm staying hydrated. I did however have to add electrolytes to my daily supplements as I had a ROUGH 36 or so hours starting Tuesday evening that lasted well into the early morning on Thursday. One of my favorite people in the entire universe, LD and I were supposed to have a greatly anticipated lunch date this past Wednesday but I felt horrible and canceled. She told me to add electrolytes and I should feel better so I did and I do. Week 1 is in the bag and AND I started a 60 day challenge at the gym this morning. My amazing pilates instructor Alisa is my 60 day coach - looking forward to seeing where I land at the end of December. Watch out neglected back half of my closet where all my awesome clothes live - I'll see you soon!! I have been here almost a year ... Almost a year and I haven't been incredibly mindful or dedicated to my blog. Almost a year of me sitting here daily looking at the same desk each and every day and yet I barely put fingers to keys. While the ideas have been nonstop - I hit a wall when my trademark application was rejected and I needed to jump through hoops to refile and defend the honor of "Deferring Zen". Staying true to form I deferred my response until it was almost too late. But not TOO late as I'm back in business What has changed: I had knee surgery and can move again (amazing), I changed jobs this summer, I traveled to Iceland and Ireland, I was able to move a good bit of my Dad's furniture to my home (heart full), and Frosty is now the size of a Fiat causing mass destruction and me to doubt the existence of God. I just read that out loud to her and she either understood me or isn't feel well after eating my Bose headphones ... What has NOT changed: ME ... I stopped meditating, I didn't really change my eating habits, I didn't go to yoga or pilates like I had promised myself, I didn't make myself a priority as I had hoped and I am still struggling to find time to do things for myself. There is however great change in the air as of late! I feel amazing, my inner voice has become much kind(er), I have started to go to pilates and yoga, I am insanely focused on my eating habits and I'm finding balance to do the things that I know I need to do in order to personally thrive. Maybe it's because I switched jobs - I went from Finance (happy) to IS (barf) back to Finance (sigh - so so happy). Maybe it's because I have the happiest kid on the planet who is healthy, happy and brings such joy to my life, as long as I don't look at his bathroom or his closet floor. Overall, I think I finally feel that I'm where I belong. Not just at work but in my life and that feels pretty amazing. More to come ... This morning I was watching the border collies Loki (L) and Chloe (R) battle it out over a stuffy that was found in the backyard after being neglected for an extended period of time. That's Frosty's (M) gift to the universe - she'll find the one thing that I don't want in the house and will bring it in & want to share it by pressing it against my face or dropping it into my half full coffee cup. I watched Frosty with her little tattered stuffy lumber around the living room and immediately noticed the interest it was getting from the other dogs. Neither Loki nor Chloe wanted it until Frosty had it, they both passed this stuffy over countless times, never once paying attention to it. This is something I can relate to on so many levels. I will go about my business happily and entirely carefree, until I don't. Just absolutely content until something hits my radar that sparks the "but I want that too" area of my brain. Once it hits, it's all consuming. I get trapped in a cycle of being incredibly thankful for what I have, where I live, where Finn goes to school, having a body that is usually strong and dependable to being incredibly concerned that I don't have enough, I need more, I deserve more, I should have gotten more, I need a bigger house, more money, Finn could be in a better school, I want to drive a better car, why am I not a Swedish Supermodel, etc ... the list goes on and on and on (and on and on). The reality of it is, I have enough, I have more than enough. I am perfectly happy and overflowing with gratitude most days. But every so often, that "I want that" voice roots itself into my internal dialog and I start to feel that life is just so incredibly unfair. But is it? Every single decision I have made, each and every single one, brought me to this exact moment in my life. Like a choose your own adventure book only I don't remember so many assholes in those books as there are in my life (I'm working on that too). As part of this journey my focus needs to be about living my life without dwelling on the "If Only" moments or decisions. In fact - what if I only focused on the things I can become or what I can do from this moment forward. How much happier could I be? Spoiler Alert: It's a A LOT ... we all know it's A LOT. That being the case, this week's exercise is going to be to train myself to find things to be thankful for at the end of each day or as those thoughts creep into my mind through out the day. Believe when I say this isn't the best week for me to practice this exercise but that's the exact reason I need to. Maybe the end result will be more favorable by doing so. |