About
Created on January 1st, 2018 - Deferring Zen will feel like home to anyone who's life is an absolute shit show BUT are trying to bring a bit of Zen into their incredibly hectic & chaotic lives. This is the home for those of you that have wanted to find a sense of calm and tranquility but keep deferring it.
In trying to describe Deferring Zen to my cousin Cristy, I told her that this is to create a space where I can hopefully bring some Zen into my crazy brain and chaotic life. I want to share bits about my journey to living a healthy and clean life, (chemical and cruelty free), trying to punch genetics in the throat and feeling gorgeous, powerful, strong, confident (etc) no matter what is going on in your life or what you look like.
This blog is my journey from present day me, (which is an absolute 5-alarm fucking disaster), to who I want, need and deserve to be, hopefully finding a bit of zen and helping others as I go along.
The idea behind Deferring Zen originated while I was stuck on a conference call in mid-December 2017. I was IM'ing with my friend Christina and as we were chatting, I thought about a yoga magazine that I bought in December 2016 that I had yet to read and I said, "even my approach to finding a bit of Zen is deferred" and she said that Deferred Zen sounds like something you'd put on a t-shirt and the little rusty gears in my brain started to spin.
The magazine is actually incredibly significant in how this project came to be! I bought that magazine at an Airport returning to CO from my father's funeral. As I sat waiting for our flight, there was palpable excitement around me. Most people were traveling to get to their families in time for Christmas and I was sitting there with my father's ashes in a carry on returning home from losing family. As we were flying home, I started to really think that it was the perfect time to focus a bit on myself.
So I got home with a slightly renewed spirit and that very evening, one of my dogs went into heart failure and died.
GFYS Universe, seriously.
However, a week after getting back, I upheld my commitment to focusing on me and I went to a Pure Barre class. 10 mins into the class I had a massive panic attack. So I sat there on a cold night, a week after Christmas & losing my dad, laying on the lobby floor of a Pure Barre studio crying my eyes out. They wanted to call someone to come get me but I didn't have anyone for them to call. I had never felt so small and scared in my entire life.
I never went back and I don't think I left my house for a month after that. In all fairness, I may not have gone back because it was hard as shit. I hurt in places I didn't even know were on my body and I only made it 10 minutes into the class.
Once I moved past the hermit phase of my grief, I did what anyone would do when their lives are entirely upended. I quit my job and started over with a new job in a new industry where I didn't know anyone. THEN I gained 20 lbs because nothing makes you feel better than 1. not knowing anyone or anything in a new job and 2. not fitting into anything that doesn't have an elastic waistband.
So here we are!! I'm armed with some knowledge, my current year roadmap, and a very clear understanding of what I don't want my life to be like. I'm not living the life that my father would want me to live but I can, and this is my journey.
- Judith
In trying to describe Deferring Zen to my cousin Cristy, I told her that this is to create a space where I can hopefully bring some Zen into my crazy brain and chaotic life. I want to share bits about my journey to living a healthy and clean life, (chemical and cruelty free), trying to punch genetics in the throat and feeling gorgeous, powerful, strong, confident (etc) no matter what is going on in your life or what you look like.
This blog is my journey from present day me, (which is an absolute 5-alarm fucking disaster), to who I want, need and deserve to be, hopefully finding a bit of zen and helping others as I go along.
The idea behind Deferring Zen originated while I was stuck on a conference call in mid-December 2017. I was IM'ing with my friend Christina and as we were chatting, I thought about a yoga magazine that I bought in December 2016 that I had yet to read and I said, "even my approach to finding a bit of Zen is deferred" and she said that Deferred Zen sounds like something you'd put on a t-shirt and the little rusty gears in my brain started to spin.
The magazine is actually incredibly significant in how this project came to be! I bought that magazine at an Airport returning to CO from my father's funeral. As I sat waiting for our flight, there was palpable excitement around me. Most people were traveling to get to their families in time for Christmas and I was sitting there with my father's ashes in a carry on returning home from losing family. As we were flying home, I started to really think that it was the perfect time to focus a bit on myself.
So I got home with a slightly renewed spirit and that very evening, one of my dogs went into heart failure and died.
GFYS Universe, seriously.
However, a week after getting back, I upheld my commitment to focusing on me and I went to a Pure Barre class. 10 mins into the class I had a massive panic attack. So I sat there on a cold night, a week after Christmas & losing my dad, laying on the lobby floor of a Pure Barre studio crying my eyes out. They wanted to call someone to come get me but I didn't have anyone for them to call. I had never felt so small and scared in my entire life.
I never went back and I don't think I left my house for a month after that. In all fairness, I may not have gone back because it was hard as shit. I hurt in places I didn't even know were on my body and I only made it 10 minutes into the class.
Once I moved past the hermit phase of my grief, I did what anyone would do when their lives are entirely upended. I quit my job and started over with a new job in a new industry where I didn't know anyone. THEN I gained 20 lbs because nothing makes you feel better than 1. not knowing anyone or anything in a new job and 2. not fitting into anything that doesn't have an elastic waistband.
So here we are!! I'm armed with some knowledge, my current year roadmap, and a very clear understanding of what I don't want my life to be like. I'm not living the life that my father would want me to live but I can, and this is my journey.
- Judith