so Yesterday I created an official meditation space and I absolutely just love it. Meditation for me is creating a space where I can find stillness and just "be" for a bit. I actually have no idea what meditation is - I was winging it for the most part.
I'm in software development - I do literally nothing all day but sit still and breathe. I should be a meditation grand master.
That said, I have had a slightly rocky exposure to meditation in the past. I once went to a sweat lodge and nearly left a cartoon cutout of me busting free through the side of the tent.
On another occasion I went to the Denver Zen center for walking / sitting meditation and felt as though someone set me on fire. Time stood still and I began to wonder if archaeologists would find my remains 100 years later and think "wow she really suffered terribly, poor thing".
Given that this is my NEW space, I sat down this evening with the mindset it would be easy peasy and amazingly awesome. I set a meditation timer for 10 minutes, plopped down on what I thought would be an incredibly soft cushion but it was like a bag of beans. Not really the little fluffy cloud my butt was hoping for.
Regardless, I tried "alternate nostril breathing" but soon realized my left nostril produces a high pitch whistling sound so my first minute was me wondering if I had a sinus infection, questioning if that was really my body making that noise, was there a kettle boiling off in the distance, etc.
Alternate nostril breathing was out. Minutes 2-4: I was actively counting how many beans I could feel on my butt. Minute 5: I thought I may have set my timer for 1000 minutes, not 10 so I checked the timer - only half way done.
Back to it ... Minutes 5-7: I was thinking that the cushion wasn't so bad and then it happened ...
Nothing actually happened
As in, I found myself sitting in this little space of stillness. I usually have such tightness in my chest but somewhere in the expansiveness that came from a slow and deep breathing I fell into a really relaxed state. Which is bananas - that shit is b.a.n.a.n.a.s as I never relax, not ever.
Scott says: This is so true.
I'm not sure how long I sat there but at some point my brain kicked back in and I started wondering what happened to my timer. I checked it and realized that when I looked 5 mins in,
I actually stopped it. Turns out, I sat there for nearly 25 mins.
Maybe it's not so bad!! I can, in fact, just sit and breathe!!