I'll have what she's having ... maybe?

This morning I was watching the border collies Loki (L) and Chloe (R) battle it out over a stuffy that was found in the backyard after being neglected for an extended period of time. 

That's Frosty's (M) gift to the universe - she'll find the one thing that I don't want in the house and will bring it in & want to share it by pressing it against my face or dropping it into my half full coffee cup.

I watched Frosty with her little tattered stuffy lumber around the living room and immediately noticed the interest it was getting from the other dogs. Neither Loki nor Chloe wanted it until Frosty had it, they both passed this stuffy over countless times, never once paying attention to it. 

This is something I can relate to on so many levels. I will go about my business happily and entirely carefree, until I don't.  Just absolutely content until something hits my radar that sparks the "but I want that too" area of my brain.  Once it hits, it's all consuming.

I get trapped in a cycle of being incredibly thankful for what I have, where I live, where Finn goes to school, having a body that is usually strong and dependable to being incredibly concerned that I don't have enough, I need more, I deserve more, I should have gotten more, I need a bigger house, more money, Finn could be in a better school, I want to drive a better car, why am I not a Swedish Supermodel, etc ... the list goes on and on and on (and on and on).

The reality of it is, I have enough, I have more than enough.  I am perfectly happy and overflowing with gratitude most days. But every so often, that "I want that" voice roots itself into my internal dialog and I start to feel that life is just so incredibly unfair.

But is it?  Every single decision I have made, each and every single one, brought me to this exact moment in my life.  Like a choose your own adventure book only I don't remember so many assholes in those books as there are in my life (I'm working on that too).

As part of this journey my focus needs to be about living my life without dwelling on the  "If Only" moments or decisions. In fact - what if I only focused on the things I can become or what I can do from this moment forward.   How much happier could I be?  Spoiler Alert: It's a A LOT ... we all know it's A LOT.

That being the case, this week's exercise is going to be to train myself to find things to be thankful for at the end of each day or as those thoughts creep into my mind through out the day.

Believe when I say this isn't the best week for me to practice this exercise but that's the exact reason I need to.  Maybe the end result will be more favorable by doing so.

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